A Man's Calling

Currently reading The Way of the Conscious Warrior by P.T. Mistleberger (founder of Arka Brotherhood which I'll mention later). Today, I was reading a section where he claimed that the most important aspect for a man to be tapped into is: His Life's Work or Purpose. I've been feeling that call for years, practically my entire adult life, but have struggled (until recently) to figure out exactly what it is.

It took me a while to find it, which I believe is a necessary and crucial part of the journey. Sometimes it isn't necessary an "it." It may be something not so specific as a career or business, but rather developing certain character traits like Integrity or Honesty. And your calling can look different in different seasons of your life.

For the longest time I thought mine would be found through pursuing God or the Spiritual Path. I've recently recognized that mine is in the space of Men's Work. Meaning, helping men to develop their depth and healthy masculinity, which will improve any and every area of a man's life. A man can try to "work" on his romantic relationship, make more money, or improve any area of his life, but if he isn't diving deeply into the core issues of his manhood, the results likely will be short term at best. 

In 2022, I had a terrifying realization: I felt incompetent in my life...worse yet, I felt like a boy, not a man. And this was in my late 30s. So, I sought out a man who seemed to have some of this masculinity stuff figured out for himself and signed up to be coached by him. I started taking online courses, read books, listened to podcasts, and started devouring the topics of Men's & Inner Work (which are really the same thing at their core, men's work being more specific to men, obviously). 

I stumbled and bumbled my way through these past 3 years of seeking out my healthy manhood. I certainly don't have it all figured out, but I now have a pretty solid grasp on who I am...who I'm becoming...and what I want my life to be about. 

Back to the topic of Purpose. I was reflecting how easy it can be to avoid or distract myself from what my purpose is. There's something about the human condition and our comfortable lifestyles that make it challenging to stay on course through the path of devotion and discipline. 

In my opinion, this is why men (or women) fall prey to too much of a thing: be it sex, drinking, food, video games, tv, fill in the blank with anything. It's so easy to get distracted or even totally derailed. Something can even be a healthy activity but if one has an imbalance in their relationship to it, it can be unhealthy for them and keep them from going after their heart's truest desires. Working out, making money, finding a mate, etc.

Bottom line, if a man isn't tapped into his calling, he will settle for low hanging fruit to make him feel good. His drug of choice will be dopamine, rather than transformation. The latter takes commitment and hard work, the former can be found in hundreds of different ways and some of them don't even cost any money. 

Upon reflecting on this, I have realized it's time for me to bring more intention and devotion to my Life's Calling of helping men to develop their healthy and balanced masculinity. Because my path has been largely about overcoming spiritual bypassing and "nice guy" tendencies, this will be the archetype I work with. I've been working at developing my "warrior" instead of being too much in a spiritual passive world. The "macho man" isn't something I've ever struggled with, so it would be more challenging for me to authentically help a man who's in that space. 

The timing is serendipitous (as usual) because tomorrow I begin with Arka Brotherhood, an online men's group that meets weekly. Ten of us men showing up each week for the purpose of becoming our most authentic selves, which will allow us to passionately be of service to the world in our specific spheres. 

I'm excited for this new chapter. Stay tuned!