What is the Key Ingredient to Great Conversation?

I've never thought of myself as a particularly interesting fella. For one, I don't like to talk all that much and secondly, I've always been insecure about my knowledge and talents. I'm not fishing for pity, it is simply the honest truth. One major blessing of feeling like I don't have that much interesting to say is that I developed a talent to be able to carry on a conversation with just about anyone. This doesn't mean I always enjoy the conversation, but it does mean that I can get people talking. It's not something I ever really worked on or knew about at an early age. I just know that one day in my early adulthood I suddenly recognized it was one of my gifts.

And I feel like not many people are talking about this, but in my opinion, the art of human conversation hinges on one key ingredient: Asking Questions.

This key ingredient is missing from just about every conversation that's going on in around us. I've noticed it in the conversations I have with people, in the conversations I secretly listen in on when I'm out at a restaurant or the store, and everywhere and anywhere where two human beings are making sounds to one another with their tongue and lips.

I notice this missing ingredient most in the people who love to talk. Not all of them, of course...but a lot of them. It drives me nuts. We've all witnessed it firsthand. You're with a group of friends and Person A is there and he alllllwaaaaayyyss talks loudly, dominating the conversation. Sure he might be funny or mildly interesting, but he raaarrrreeelllyyyy asks anyone else some question of significance. Often, if Person A does ask a question, it's merely so he can hear himself answer it by cutting you off before you even finished responding.

This missing ingredient can kill a friendship...can create a terrible first date... or can cause a dreadfully dull car ride. We've all experienced it and we all hate it.

BUT if the ingredient is used, it spices up just about any conversation...for BOTH parties. You might not have a damn thing in common with the person you're talking with (notice I didn't say talking to or at) but if you both subtly sprinkle in that sexy ingredient at the right time, that sexy lil ingredient leaves you both feeling satisfied and satiated!

It's a really basic human principle, so very simple to implement into your everyday life. And we all feel better after we do it...simply listening to what someone has to say and then getting to share a few tidbits of information for ourselves. Ahhhhhh the sweet satisfaction!!! It's why it feels so good to, "Get something off your chest." What a relief. What a release.

So I suggest that a good place to start is by asking yourself one simple question,

"Do I often ask people questions or am I just waiting to talk about myself more?"

Hopefully, you have the ability to be real with yourself. If you don't like the answer, then start practicing. It's easy. Practice on the grocery store clerk, or on the bank teller, or even on your partner. Most people love it! Just don't be an idiot and be too intrusive. It's common sense really. It doesn't matter who the recipient is, it just matters that you are being intentional about it so that it quickly becomes an unconscious everyday habit.

If you don't think you're a very like-able person, I can almost guarantee that means this key ingredient is missing from your life. So give it a try and see what happens. Take notice to how people start interacting differently with you. Try to make it a daily practice, and watch how it spices up your life!

People like people who ask about other people.

People get tired of people who talk about themselves. These people are entertaining for a short while, but it's fleeting. We don't want friends to entertain us, we want friends who will ask, "How are you?" and actually mean it.

So there's my two cents about why so many conversations are boring or painful or both. Stand out by being someone who knows how to ask questions and then actually listen for the answer. You will be amazed what you can learn and how you will be surprised by finding out just how interesting the seemingly uninteresting people are.

Now GO...start ASKING!!