Spiritual Bypassing

 "Before one can become an awakened man, one must become a man."

- George Ivanovich Gurdjieff

I came across this quote recently and it hit a sweet spot. It so beautifully summarizes the path I have been on these last few years: shifting from being a spiritual seeker to learning how to embody my healthy manhood. At some point along the way, I realized that I had become stuck in a trap of spiritual bypassing, a term I had never heard before. I had been putting the cart before the horse, as the saying goes.

Spiritual bypassing is skipping deep inner work with hopes of achieving enlightenment or a high state through mystical means alone. It is rooted in a desire to skip the messy and grueling work of dealing with one's upbringing, conditioning, and past traumas (minor or major ones). In this phase, a man will overlook his shadows and ego, although probably not consciously.

Spiritual bypassing is a sign that a man is in a season of identifying with his spiritual ego, but is naive to the fact. He sees himself as "better than" others and looks down on people for not being as spiritually advanced. Because this stage is a normal part of one's true spiritual journey of waking up from the dream state of living an unconscious life it shouldn't be demonized. But a mature man will eventually recognize his need to move past this phase and go deeper into his internal world. That's when the real journey begins.

Seeking spiritual experiences is not always, but can often be a sign that one is not content in his current state, so he needs a high to scratch the itch of discontentment. There is a lack of appreciation for the miraculous in the common or "mundane" and a desire for escapism, wanting to be somewhere else rather than fully engaged in the present moment. Guys in the stage will seem antsy or unsure of themselves.

Men in this stage might be frequent psychedelic users, religious fundamentalists, conference/seminar junkies, etc. They are stuck chasing the carrot on the stick, believing, "this next time will finally be it." They are unhealthily attached to the idea that they need something outside of themselves to feel better...always seeking the right guru or perfect answer to their problems. In this mode, there is a basic denial of one's humanity and a lack of self-love and acceptance in being worthy and enough. There is an avoidance of going within, although they likely are not consciously avoiding. The unconscious move becomes an obsession with looking outside for a fix. This cycle continues until it becomes completely exhausted. And that might take a while. 

I know this because I was in it for over a decade. It wasn't until I finally got worn out from the chase that I realized I was driving myself crazy through my constant chasing and seeking. My mentor helped me see the light. He describes it as there being two basic motivators to everything we do in life: Fear or Peace. A man with a decent amount a self-awareness can feel which is leading him. 

You see a lot of bypassing in the self-help world. People with low self-worth who haven't done inner work around loving and accepting themselves, so they are always striving to be better, healthier, stronger, richer, sexier, etc. There is a very fine line between a healthy desire to evolve, and a toxic form of self-loathing masked by a desire for "growth." Again, I know this because I've done it in the past...and still catch myself at times falling back into the trap. 

If you have trouble relaxing into the moment and find that you are often distracting yourself with "growth," there's your sign that you have internal work to do. Before a man can grow and develop, he first needs to accept himself fully...with all his faults and quirks. He needs to be at peace with the man he currently is, even if he doesn't want to stay in that place. Then things like psychedelics, gurus, seminars, online courses, etc. can be supplementary tools for healthy self-development. But the man will likely find that he doesn't need all the outside help like he thought he did. He will start finding treasures within, and the glitz and glam of the outside world will start to lose its appeal.