Nice Guy Syndrome

Being a kind man is beautiful, but being overly nice will make your life a living hell. Nice Guy Syndrome results from a man rejecting aspects of his masculinity. Thus, he embraces more of his feminine aspects, becoming too soft and feminized. This archetype stems from a deep father wound. The son rejects his inner masculine in an attempt (often unconscious) to rebel against his father (or masculine men in general). If you are content as a man who is more feminine, then so be it. But if you are like most men who wish to be dominant in their masculine principle, there is work to do.

Nice Guy Syndrome is common in men who are deeply into spirituality. Similar to the rejection of one’s father, a man has a disdain for the Macho A$$hole archetype and swings the pendulum the other way, becoming enveloped in his emotionality and feelings. He intentionally abandons his masculine strength and edge, seeing it as “toxic” or “harmful.”

Our society has brainwashed men into thinking some of their inherent traits are bad. This is a grave error and will do men a tremendous amount of harm as they lose key parts of themselves. Instead, men need to sharpen or harness their masculinity through the lens of a higher consciousness. This means, seeing their imbalances through a crystal clear lens by being brutally honest and getting to know themselves on a deep level.  The goal is to find healthy balance between masculine and feminine principles instead of abandoning either one.

Nice guys unfairly expect people in their lives to read their minds regarding their needs. They are afraid to openly communicate wants, needs, and desires, usually stemming from an unhealed rejection wound from childhood.  Because of their inability to openly express their needs, nice guys come across as needy and weak since they are outsourcing their power.

Nice Guys are seeking love and affirmation in all the wrong places. They attempt to get their needs met by pleasing others and are filled with resentment due to unspoken one-sided agreements in their romantic relationships, thus their motives are often sneaky. Meaning, a nice guy will do something for his woman believing that she will repay him with something he wants (often sex). When she doesn’t oblige, either because she is unaware of his motivation or because she is disgusted by his passive approach, he feels frustrated and enraged.

Women don’t want to be in a relationship with nice guys. At first, it may feel nice because the guy is basically willing be her servant, but eventually the novelty wears off. She will soon experience him as spineless and directionless, and she will feel starved of raw masculine energy.  She will quickly start to feel a tremendous amount of resentment toward her man. This is because she craves a Man, not a boy-servant…she deserves a King, not a prince.

Nice Guys aren’t great leaders since they struggle with people-pleasing. They are terrified of upsetting others and uncomfortable taking charge. They often struggle with material success because they like to “go with the flow” and take the back seat in most relationships and situations. Nice Guys feel fake and hollow because their chameleon-like personality lacks authentic relating. They feel slippery and untrustworthy. A nice guy’s mission is to fit in and be liked instead of simply being himself. He struggles with insecurity and self-confidence, often wearing a “mask” and performing for others.

I know this archetype well because this was me for most of my life, and at times still is. If you are naïve to being a Nice Guy, then it’s a big problem. Awareness is everything. Once you recognize, own it, and start to do something about it, real change will start taking place as you stick with the process.