Self Mastery & Polyamory

 Reflecting today on gifts resulting from my Lyme journey: Discipline, Devotion, and Self-mastery. Continually called to go deeper and deeper into shedding and shifting...giving up gluten, dairy, sugar, alcohol, caffeine...slowing down, doing less, being more present, connecting to my body...committing to eating only healthy whole foods...doing yin yoga, qigong, breathing, meditation, nature walks, lymph exercises. This is what my daily life looks like...probably not the norm.

I have been forced by Life/God to bring awareness to every single aspect of my life, asking if it will hinder or help me move toward deeper healing. If I'm being honest, many days this calling feels like a curse, but when I step back and am able to see it from a higher perspective, I know it is a tremendous blessing. I wouldn't have made even half of these changes if I didn't have to. But I have had to, so that's exactly what I've done. Not really even a choice.

Each time I think I've hit my limit or finally found a routine that consitently "works," suddenly I am called to take it to a whole-nother-level. I am dialed-in to the inner workings of my entire system: mind, body, & spirit. I know what situations will likely trigger a flare up, and what environments engender healing and wholeness. 

So many strange and mysterious quirks have become normal. Like not being able to walk into big box stores like Wal Mart or Lowes without feeling dizzy and unwell. As far as I can tell, it seems to be a sensitivity to all the chemicals, fluorescent lights, and energy of all the people in the store. I look forward to the day when this is not my experience, yet do my best not to rush it because there is so much of myself I am being exposed to that still needs love and compassion and healing.

I've become accustomed to giving things up, often questioning, what's left that makes life worth living? There are still plenty of things I have and am able to do, but I suppose this is a normal response after going through a massive life transition these past 6+ years. 

Topic shift...My wife and I have been discussing polyamory a lot recently because we heard of a famous couple who decided to open up their marriage. They did a podcast about it, and so much about it feels off. Especially in their case, as they were using spiritual/awakening jargon, making it sound very progressive and evolved. 

I've felt uneasy about polyamory ever since I heard about it years ago. I've not personally known anyone who has lived this lifestyle, so I have no close contact, and I usually try to suspend final judgments until I have real life experiences with something...but the polyamory trend seems like a true reflection of the state of our culture: Dysfunction & Insanity. 

The Insanity: unprocessed trauma manifesting as dysfunction in people's lives....perfectly normal folks looking to find answers outside of themselves to get their "needs" met. Well, not their actual needs, but their ego's. But it feels like a need to them. So far, my honest opinion is: it is a lack of doing the grueling inner work to move toward deeper levels of healing to get to truly Know Thyself, developing high levels of self-awareness to your unhealthy tendencies that still have not had the light of wisdom shone upon them.

This is the state of the collective consciousness: look to the external, not the internal...look to form, not to Being. We are bombarded with companies selling us "happiness" and the magic balm to heal the aching wounds of our precious hearts. In the short term, it does feel better. That's the trick. But eventually the balms wears off and you need more "medicine." To be blunt, we are all addicts in one way, shape, or form. Most of us, functional addicts, which is why the machine keeps chugging along. 

Back to polyamory. It feels like bypassing the core issue, and instead, grasping for short-term pleasure. It's probably most common for the man to be the one to want to open up his marriage, but I know that's not always the case. "Baby, I'm not getting all of my wild sexual energy met, so it feels right, in fact God told me that we need to expand our idea of what marriage is." I can hear that being said by an "evolved man." Sneaky. Even worse, he probably believes it.

In my opinion, that type of "man" is still a boy. He is living from a state of lack and needs to go pleasure-hunting to feel at ease with himself. A Real Man knows how to fill himself through his relationship to God/Source/Life and is aware when his ego is deceiving him with cleverly implanted thoughts. And, he better have a wise elder (or several) in his life to bounce this kind of chicanery off of. Our world needs Real Men...it hasn't seen a lot of them yet. Women hate "men" because they have only had contact with boys. Men, wake the f*ck up.

Don't get me wrong, I'm not saying this life isn't at times about pleasure and fun. I believe that's fully part of it. But there must be a solid container of responsibility and wholeness that is the man's foundation...then, fun and pleasure can be an offshoot. A man should never be living his life just to "have fun." A Real Man knows his purpose in this world and doesn't easily get distracted by shiny objects or tempting devils cloaked in clever costumes. 

I have been guilty of approaching life from this paradigm, and it always gets me in trouble: wanting life to satisfy and fulfill me, then being frustrating and feeling like a victim when it doesn't. If seeking pleasure and highs become your main foundation, you are living on sand, my brother. The first step is to notice it. You can't undo the dysfunctional patterns without awareness. Once you notice, everything will start to change. As long as you want it to, that is. 

My advice for guys who feel like an untamed sexual beast would be to stay single. Don't expose a woman (wife or girlfriend) to your childish shenanigans. And if you are married and think that opening up the marriage is your answer, I would advise you that the real answer would be found going deeper into your current relationship, instead of bringing other people into it. Get some help from a coach/therapist/friend/mentor who has experience in cultivationg a healthy long-term relationship. If you wanted to climb a mountain, you better seek out someone who has already done it. Don't take advice from just any "expert."

Deal with your core issues (yours and your partners) before you writeoff monogamy. Monogamy isn't the problem, you are. Not you at your core...you aren't bad, you are simply a human being who has lots of unprocessed and unhealed woundings (which we all have). The only question is, are you going to move into it OR run from it?

GO DEEPER, my brother.