How Do You Overcome Negative Thoughts?

This is a question I've been trying to answer for as long as I can remember. The first step is awareness. You need to know there's a problem with your thought life. It took me some time to recognize that my thought life was unhealthy. Once I became aware that my brain was filled with negative nonsense, I knew I had to change it. Some of my struggles with negative thoughts have sounded like this: "I don't have what it takes"..."I can't do that"..."I don't have any talents to offer." I got sick of feeling like a slave to my negative thought patterns. The journey to overcoming negative thoughts begins once you see there's a problem and are motivated to change it.

When do negative thoughts surface?

Negative thoughts surface when we are facing a challenge. The reason is because we do not believe in our abilities to overcome challenges. As they say, "When the going gets tough, the tough gets going." It's easy to be positive when life is going your way, but when shit hits the fan what happens to you mentally and emotionally? Do you see challenges as an opportunity for growth or are you overwhelmed by the situation?

Negative thinking also rears its ugly head when we are unsatisfied with the present. It could be a lack of satisfaction with the immediate present moment or the current status of your life. When we are unsatisfied, we desire something that we think will satisfy us. When we desire what we don't have, we suffer. Suffering creates negative thinking and feelings of disappointment. A wise man once said, "Comparison is the thief of joy." Buddhism teaches that alleviating desire alleviates suffering. I love this philosophy and have found it to be true in my life. The less I desire what I don't have, the more content I feel. 

Where do negative thoughts originate?

The short answer: mindsets. Over the years, I've spent a lot of time trying to figure out where my negative mindsets originate, but I eventually realized it doesn't really matter. What matters is overcoming the negative mindsets and then replacing them with positive ones. Mindsets are usually ingrained in us from when we were young. They aren't something we choose in our youth, they are simply passed on to us from those who raise us or those we spend time with. So if you want, spend some time contemplating why you are prone to negative thinking, but don't get lost in the past. Focus your energy on learning how to control your mind now! 

Key Steps to Take

• Talk to Someone. Whether it's a friend, pastor, therapist, or your dog (okay maybe not so helpful), just tell SOMEONE! Don't let these negative thoughts fester inside of you any longer. Expose them to the light by telling someone. You will be surprised how freeing it feels. I find it helpful to write about my struggles, so maybe that's something you'd like to try. After you tell someone, seek out a professional who can help you work toward improving your thought life. They can give you some basic tools and also keep you accountable to make sure you are putting in the necessary work.

• STOP Sign. I learned this from a therapist. Every time your brain gets back into those negative thought patterns picture a big red stop sign telling your mind to STOP. This imagery teaches your mind that it cannot think these thoughts anymore. Over time your brain will eliminate the pathways that the negative thoughts are running on. Think of it like a barricade on a ski slope. Negative pathways in your brain are like the worn in paths on ski slopes. If nothing interferes with the path to encourage change, then the path of least resistance will continue to be followed. The STOP sign is the barricade that your brain needs so it knows it is time to forge a new path.

• Meditate.  It's astonishing how only a few minutes of meditation can quiet the chatter in your mind. Meditation has been something I've been dabbling in for years now. I'll go in spurts where I do it every day for months and then for no reason I will stop doing it. Right now I am on Day 18 of meditating twice a day for 10 minutes each time. I've been journaling how I feel after the 10 minutes and the results are quite staggering. Here are some of my journal entries: euphoria, slower and deeper breathing, a positive tingling in my fingers and toes, sense of calm, quieter mind, happier, less anxiety, less tightness in my throat, looser muscles, happier. The scientific data and the health benefits on meditation are amazing. I know from experience that meditation will create a calmer mind and quiet those useless, negative thoughts. 

• Affirmations. This step is most crucial because it is how you replace negative thoughts with positive ones. I have found affirmations, particularly mirror affirmations to be most helpful. If your current negative mindset says "I don't have any talents to offer" then combat that by staring into the mirror and saying "I have many talents to offer." If you've never done this before it will feel awkward at first, but don't let that stop you! The fact that it feels awkward is a sign that you need to be doing it. It feels strange because your mind is hearing foreign information...negativity has been the norm for so long that anything counter to that seems out of place. Initially your mind wants to resist the positivity. Although the resistance is palpable at first, eventually your mind relent and begin believing this new positive information. Do these mirror affirmations twice a day in the morning and evening for 30 days and watch the shift that takes place. It's important that you phrase affirmations in a positive way so that your brain isn't still hearing negativity. For example, don't say "I am not stupid." Instead phrase it as "I am intelligent." 

Is It Really Possible? 

YES!!! Taking charge of your thought life is easy if you are willing to be disciplined. By starting with a few simple exercises it is possible to build momentum toward positive thinking. For a happy life, it is absolutely crucial to retrain our brains to fixate on positive, life-giving thoughts instead of negative, life-diminishing ones. It's similar to physical weight training. You don't try to lift the heaviest dumbbells on your first day at the gym. You start with a weight you can handle and slowly work toward more. As Jordan Peterson says, "Aim low." He isn't referring to long-term goals, rather goals in the short-term. He's simply saying that you will be psychologically defeated if you try to achieve goals that are beyond your current ability or skill set. Lofty goals are possible to achieve, yes. But you achieve those goals through a series of smaller goals. Think of it as going up a set of 100 steps. You don't just jump from the bottom to the top. No one can do that. You take one step at a time and before you know it you're at the top. Aim low in the immediate and you will eventually achieve great success in the future. Again, it's good to set big goals but make sure you also set smaller goals that will help take you where you want to go.

So if you've been feeling defeated by negative thoughts, I understand...I've been there too. I know how overwhelming and sad some days feel. It's like there is this heavy weight on your shoulders that just won't go away. If you are sick and tired of letting negative thoughts control your life, then let me help you take control back. Send me an email, and I will help you get started and be there to cheer you on because I know how difficult it is to feel like your fighting the battle alone. Today is the best day to start creating a healthier thought life!