If I SPEAK UP Will l Be THROWN OUT?

It's a terrifying experience to feel conditional love from your tribe. What I mean is, that scary knowing that if you tell them the truth about your beliefs then there's a really good chance you will be looked at and treated differently. Some tribes will be obvious about it. For example, being kicked out of church for no longer adhering to the church's tenets. In the case of a family it might be much more subtle. There might not be words exchanged, just passive aggressive actions. It is a frightening feeling to think that we might be ousted from our tribe if we speak up, especially when a large part of our identity is often derived from that tribe. So out of fear, you you hold back, withholding your true self from those who are supposed to know you best. The ones you wish you could be fully vulnerable.

 This popular tribal tag line says it all: "Love the sinner, hate the sin." In my opinion, this has made Evangelical Christians famous for their conditional love. What makes someone a "sinner?" You would think it would be obvious: You're a sinner if you treat people terribly. To me this is a pragmatic and healthy view on labeling someone a sinner, or in more common terms: a dick. But in the churchworld one is not deemed a sinner if she is a frequent liar. Neither is one a sinner if he is a workaholic, constantly neglecting his family and buying new toys to suppress his longing for meaning and fulfillment. However, one is a sinner if she chooses to act upon her homosexual desires that feel as instinctual as her desire for food and sleep. "Just don't act on those desires," she is told. How easy that is for a straight person to say. One is also labeled a sinner for having pre-marital sex. Even if these sinners are a loving couple in their 40's who have been together for fifteen years and are raising two beautiful children. This couple can be volunteers at their local food bank, they can be amazingly loving parents, and they even be regular attenders of a church....yet will still be categorized by the majority of Evangelical Christians to be "sinners."

On the flip side, one can escape the sinner classification if he said the sinner's prayer ten years ago yet remains a below-average father and husband, never going out of his way to help anyone out.

This is the strange theological system that is ubiquitous in the modern-day Evangelical church. If you are a practicing LGBTQ person, if you are of another religion (or find the salvation in Jesus thing to be silly), or if you lovingly sleep with your partner who you've been with for decades but just never got the government involved, then you are labeled a sinner and are destined for Hell (allegedly, of course). You can be the kindest, most loving person in the world (kinda like Ghandi) yet are just one unfortunate moment away from kickin' it with the devil for eternity. I can hardly believe that I used to think this way. It all sounds pretty ridiculous to me now.

I don't blame Christians for believing this way because I understand how the process works. Usually you grow up hearing this story as a child and your brain frames it as normal; it's just who God is and way the world works. God said it in the Bible, so be it. Some people buy into it later in life for various reasons. Often because their life isn't working out for them and they realize they need a change. It's a subtle little trick when you think about it. Of course your ego is thrilled to hear that all of the sudden you are with the "in group" while all those non-believers are "out." That feels good to the ego. We all want to be included...especially by the Creator of everything. Being included on God's team obviously feels pretty damn special, especially if you were excluded a bunch growing up. Also, telling people that all they have to do is pray a prayer and believe some stuff is a really easy way to grow a religion.

Of course I'm being cynical and not totally fair to this version of Evangelical Christianity. There's another side of this tribe that I'm not talking about, which is the all good stuff they do. And there is A LOT OF GOOD (no sarcasm here). They feed the homeless, they take care of the sick and dying, they adopt orphans, and on and on and on. The list could be endless.

It's also worth saying that not every Evangelical Christian neatly falls under this type of theology. There are exceptions. But I'm speaking about the majority. A majority that I know because it was my tribe and in some ways still is.

I'm not siding with Bill Maher and Richard Dawkins, who bark that Christianity is evil and that all Christians are uneducated fools. I'm simply calling out a theological framework that I believe is very harmful and anti-Christ (anti-Christ meaning antithetical to his teachings, not meaning evil like the word anti-Christ is commonly used today). From what I see in the Gospels, I don't think Jesus would stand for any of this labeling nonsense. Even if he did, or if the Bible seemingly does, is it really so healthy to be put so much stock in one book that was written thousands of years ago in a time period where it was normal to have slaves? A time period where women and children where looked at as being "less than." A time where God was apparently telling His people to wipe out entire tribes of men, women, animals, and children?! Good Lord!!!

I'm trying not to be harsh since I don't think that's an effective way to help people see clearly. My fervor often ushers me into cynicism and sarcasm, so I'm doing my best to reign it in. Anyway, if you do disagree with me and believe the stuff that I'm knocking I would just like you to ask yourself, "Could some of my beliefs use some re-examining?" Maybe a more helpful reflective question would be, "Why do I so fervently believe the things I do?" Did you arrive at these conclusions yourself or were you told by someone or some institution? I know that logic and reason aren't always the most effective methods in getting people to change their minds, so if you'd like to do some healthy self-evaluating you could start by intentionally interacting with the categories of people you have been told are sinners. I have a sneaky feeling you might find more common ground than you anticipated. Heck, you may even find a new friend!

I've been rambling but maybe my goal here is for us all to stop judging and labeling people for their beliefs or tribal associations. Maybe we can become less concerned with pigeonholing individuals and become more concerned with an individual's actions. After all, actions reveal what one truly believes anyway. Beliefs are intangible...actions we can see! For example, we have all been told by someone, "I love you." But do actions confirm those words? Words are hollow without follow-through. 

If Jesus is the perfect representation of God...and if Jesus was all about action and showing the downcast love and kindness...and if Christians are supposed to model Jesus, then wouldn't it make  sense to focus on being love in action?  I'm not so naive to think this doesn't get complicated, especially with those closest to us. But as Jesus said, "You will know them by their fruit." He didn't say, "You will know them by their church or by their beliefs." BY THEIR FRUIT. 

As humans, we can all do better at becoming love in action. I know I sure can. So next time your brain quickly labels someone as wrong or bad ask yourself, "Did I arrive at these conclusions myself or was I told by someone or some institution?" 

Lastly, can we all do better at creating a safe space for people to be vulnerable and open with where they are at in life? Aren't we doing ourselves and our people a disservice by nurturing toxic systems of fear and hiding? I've found that as I learn how to take off the mask and reveal my true self it helps others to do the same. This isn't easy...but it is worth it.

Good luck out there!