Do People Really "Choose" To Leave the Faith?

A few days ago I heard the news that Josh Harris, former pastor and author of the Christian best-selling book I Kissed Dating Goodbye, announced he no longer calls himself a Christian because of the way his views have recently evolved. First he renounced his book and now his Evangelical Christian faith. Evangelicals are in an uproar. Josh and his wife are also going through a divorce and it appears that the loss of his faith may be the reason why.

Hearing this news led me to think...
When we think about Faith, we cannot oversimplify it being about choice alone. Saying that someone can simply choose to either believe or not believe would be an insult to the many nuances of losing or changing one's faith. When one loses her faith, it just kind of happens and it is a terrifying experience. All of the sudden you one day realize that you don't believe what you used to.

It may appear that the shift happened in an instant but it surely did not. Shifts in faith or beliefs happen over time, usually years. You think reflect on those pivotal moments that propelled you to start thinking differently. Those moments that were triggered by books, relationships, conversations with friends, or an epiphany that seemed totally out of the blue. But this shift in faith NEVER happens because you simply choose to start thinking and believing differently. 

So why are people so hard on others for having these shifts in faith? I say fear. Fear of your friend going to hell...or fear that you can't carry on as friends...or fear that your pal will suddenly become a terrible person because "it had to be her faith that was keeping her in line." I get it because I used to think that way. That's why I think the fear usually stems from a place of genuine love and concern. It is a scary feeling when someone wants to leave your tribe. Especially when things feels so safe and comfortable on the inside. It gets even scarier when this happens in a marriage. When one spouse tells the other how he has stopped believing and the other spouse feels like they just got punched in the gut, feeling their entire world caving in.

If only people inside the tribe knew how scary it feels to have invisible force trying to push you out. They obviously don't get it because they've never felt that force before. It's a force that can't be ignored or suppressed forever. You can try to fight but the force will eventually get its way.

So if you're currently on the inside of a safe tribe that you've been a part of your entire life, good for you. I envy that. No lie. Just please consider how scary it might feel for that person you know that has all of the sudden "backslidden" or "fallen away from the faith." You must know that your comrade did not carelessly decide on a whim to choose to give up his faith. The force kept nudging him along. He fought for a while because letting go felt so scary, but he eventually gave in realizing there was no other option. 

So please, have grace...have consideration...have empathy. Don't turn your back. Don't give up on them. And please don't think this was merely a choice. 

Be a decent human being and let your faith's fruits show and give the backslider a heavy dose of unconditional love. After all if your faith can't produce that type of yummy fruit, it's rotten and you should examine the tree from which it grew.