Boundaries

Written by Beau Hoffman

Boundaries shouldn't function to shield us from people but to shield us against conduct that stifles our Love. Boundaries shouldn’t be created to distance ourselves from others but to preserve our ability to Love well in different circumstances. The purpose is always protecting our capacity to Love (ourselves and others). Simply stated, boundaries should not be premised upon expulsion of others, but preservation of Love. Because Love is worth fighting for.

“But I say to you that listen, Love your enemies, do good to those who hate you, bless those who curse you, pray for those who abuse you.” Luke‬ ‭6:27-28‬ ‭NRSV‬‬

There appear to be some boundaries outlined by Jesus for HOW we can preserve our love when faced with someone who treats us as an enemy.  But the overarching goal must, first and foremost, be Love. Active, present, redemptive and healing Love. However, as someone else’s active abuse toward us increases, our active Love can decrease, not because we Love them any less, but to ensure that their abuse toward us does not drown our ability to Love. Love is worth fighting for.

And, at the very least we must be in routine prayer for those who seek to harm us. For only in prayer can we be formed by Love and know when and how to move back into active Love in such a way that restoration and redemption flourish. If we aren’t even willing to pray for those who have harmed us, we do not Love them, and the boundaries we established will be based on exclusion and not redemption and Love.

So if the purpose of boundaries is to protect our capacity to Love—and I suggest it is, then the question cannot be, “What boundaries do I need to protect myself ‘from’ this person.”

The question should be, “In light of the harmful conduct, what boundaries do I need to protect my ability to Love (the abuser, myself and my friends and family).”

The first question invites separation, hate and building walls around people. The second invites restoration, redemption and building walls around harmful conduct.


Boundaries should function to protect us, but not from people—they protect us from harmful conduct to ensure our capability to Love. Based on the type/frequency of harm, the response may be the same to both questions, but the underlying heart of the second question prevents the abuser from having the power to steal our Love. Love is worth fighting for.