Peaceful Relational Tips for the Holiday Season
Written by Jared Capello
For those who celebrate Christmas, this Holiday has come to be known as many things. A time of giving, receiving, of family and friends for many, rejoicing, reuniting and many other great ideals. I think my favorite ideal of them all is that this is a time of peace which makes sense as the center of this Holiday is the Christ-child who is often referred to as the Prince of Peace. I believe the same invitation has been given to us all. Corny as it sounds, we too can be Princesses and Princes of Peace.
Peace is a radical concept as well. It requires response rather than reaction. Most of the world lives in reaction to life happening to them. The ability to respond lies in being able to notice what is happening around you and remain true to yourself as you go about dealing with it. There’s no “This person called me a derogatory term, cut me off in traffic, yelled at me so what did you expect me to do?!” All that means is that someone else can gain control over you very easily by inconveniencing you in little or big ways. People are going to go about living with the tools that were given to them to do so. Most haven’t been given the tools required to live free from external influences impacting their internal worlds. You're reading this post though so you must not be most people! 😉
Let’s apply responding and peace to our intimate relationships shall we? Since after all, the Holidays tend to put us in close proximity with family and old friends that can rub us the wrong way faster than Mario Andretti in the Indy 500 (NASCAR references...really? Did this guy forget who his audience was? Is Mario Andretti even a NASCAR driver?).
One key way to respond instead of in reaction to Uncle Craig when he brings up politics at the table as he reaches over you to get to the green bean casserole, is with beautiful silence. You don’t need to say anything to someone who is looking for a rise, agreement or an ego boost. If an opinion is asked for you can simply ask a good question, meet it head on by sharing your thoughts about the climate of the discussion and how it doesn’t feel respectful. You can think of a creative way to make the discussion more “both/and” and less “us vs. them”. Or you can dismiss yourself and go play or sit at the kids table (often a much more fun experience!) because you don’t need the approval of someone who you have an obligatory, once a year face-to-face relationship with. In responding rather than reacting, you are able to realize better answers and solutions to what is happening around you.
Aunt Eileen just passive-aggressively brought up how you forgot to send her a “Thank you” card for your wedding gift that she got you 12 years ago. “Yeah I totally spaced on that one Eileen. You know I love you right?” you say as you stare directly into her face, meaning every word you say. In the moment you lock eyes and connect and the hurt, bitter aunt that everyone has come to know as such changes into a once hurting, now cared for little girl as you get a glimpse at the real person who lies underneath decades upon decades of feeling unknown, devalued and unappreciated. You get a glimpse at your aunt for who she truly is.
This stuff works! The alternative is to react and give a deep sigh while hanging your head in the guilt of a little mistake you made 12 years ago as you try to excuse yourself of it yet again. Then she just responds the same way as always..."Oh you know I’m just kidding Honey.” passing it off as a little joke that is much more than that.
Lastly, hurt people hurt people. Perhaps the easiest avenue into peace is to realize this. When someone flips you off in traffic or gives you the stink eye when you apologize for accidentally bumping into them pause instead of reacting and realize that you’re seeing the fruit of an inward pain that has nothing to do with you. Angry people are looking for reasons to be angry and sometimes you are that reason. That doesn’t however, make you someone who needs to be affected by their anger, ill-will, or any other negative emotion that could be experienced.
This Holiday Season, do those around you a favor and yourself the greatest favor, by truly being a person of peace. Surrender your ego, practice responding and be gracious with yourself as you begin to believe that stress is always an inside job. You are in control of your inner world and you get to decide how you will respond to the circumstances, people and situations around you.
I am here to help and would love to do so if you have any relational, personal or life quandaries that have been keeping you down. You can schedule a free Relational Breakthrough Session to talk with me personally, one-on-one for 45 minutes. I am also happy to announce that we have special Holiday pricing on ALL programs so if you’ve been waiting to talk or hesitant about stepping into relational wholeness there is no better time than now to schedule your free session.
Until next time, Live the Love you were created from.
Forever Loving,
Jared
For those who celebrate Christmas, this Holiday has come to be known as many things. A time of giving, receiving, of family and friends for many, rejoicing, reuniting and many other great ideals. I think my favorite ideal of them all is that this is a time of peace which makes sense as the center of this Holiday is the Christ-child who is often referred to as the Prince of Peace. I believe the same invitation has been given to us all. Corny as it sounds, we too can be Princesses and Princes of Peace.
Peace is a radical concept as well. It requires response rather than reaction. Most of the world lives in reaction to life happening to them. The ability to respond lies in being able to notice what is happening around you and remain true to yourself as you go about dealing with it. There’s no “This person called me a derogatory term, cut me off in traffic, yelled at me so what did you expect me to do?!” All that means is that someone else can gain control over you very easily by inconveniencing you in little or big ways. People are going to go about living with the tools that were given to them to do so. Most haven’t been given the tools required to live free from external influences impacting their internal worlds. You're reading this post though so you must not be most people! 😉
Let’s apply responding and peace to our intimate relationships shall we? Since after all, the Holidays tend to put us in close proximity with family and old friends that can rub us the wrong way faster than Mario Andretti in the Indy 500 (NASCAR references...really? Did this guy forget who his audience was? Is Mario Andretti even a NASCAR driver?).
One key way to respond instead of in reaction to Uncle Craig when he brings up politics at the table as he reaches over you to get to the green bean casserole, is with beautiful silence. You don’t need to say anything to someone who is looking for a rise, agreement or an ego boost. If an opinion is asked for you can simply ask a good question, meet it head on by sharing your thoughts about the climate of the discussion and how it doesn’t feel respectful. You can think of a creative way to make the discussion more “both/and” and less “us vs. them”. Or you can dismiss yourself and go play or sit at the kids table (often a much more fun experience!) because you don’t need the approval of someone who you have an obligatory, once a year face-to-face relationship with. In responding rather than reacting, you are able to realize better answers and solutions to what is happening around you.
Aunt Eileen just passive-aggressively brought up how you forgot to send her a “Thank you” card for your wedding gift that she got you 12 years ago. “Yeah I totally spaced on that one Eileen. You know I love you right?” you say as you stare directly into her face, meaning every word you say. In the moment you lock eyes and connect and the hurt, bitter aunt that everyone has come to know as such changes into a once hurting, now cared for little girl as you get a glimpse at the real person who lies underneath decades upon decades of feeling unknown, devalued and unappreciated. You get a glimpse at your aunt for who she truly is.
This stuff works! The alternative is to react and give a deep sigh while hanging your head in the guilt of a little mistake you made 12 years ago as you try to excuse yourself of it yet again. Then she just responds the same way as always..."Oh you know I’m just kidding Honey.” passing it off as a little joke that is much more than that.
Lastly, hurt people hurt people. Perhaps the easiest avenue into peace is to realize this. When someone flips you off in traffic or gives you the stink eye when you apologize for accidentally bumping into them pause instead of reacting and realize that you’re seeing the fruit of an inward pain that has nothing to do with you. Angry people are looking for reasons to be angry and sometimes you are that reason. That doesn’t however, make you someone who needs to be affected by their anger, ill-will, or any other negative emotion that could be experienced.
This Holiday Season, do those around you a favor and yourself the greatest favor, by truly being a person of peace. Surrender your ego, practice responding and be gracious with yourself as you begin to believe that stress is always an inside job. You are in control of your inner world and you get to decide how you will respond to the circumstances, people and situations around you.
I am here to help and would love to do so if you have any relational, personal or life quandaries that have been keeping you down. You can schedule a free Relational Breakthrough Session to talk with me personally, one-on-one for 45 minutes. I am also happy to announce that we have special Holiday pricing on ALL programs so if you’ve been waiting to talk or hesitant about stepping into relational wholeness there is no better time than now to schedule your free session.
Until next time, Live the Love you were created from.
Forever Loving,
Jared
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