Annoyances As Your Teacher

"Only if you resist what happens are you at the mercy of what happens." 

-Eckhart Tolle

About a year ago, I listened to a memorable podcast by Rob Bell titled, "Everyone Is Your Teacher." I was intrigued by the title and found myself loving the content. Rob described how those who are wise see everyone as their teacher because other people stir up emotions in us, and this stirring up gives us the chance to reflect on what these emotions are trying to tell us about our emotional well-being (also called emotional intelligence). Some people (definitely some more than others) seem to have a knack for pushing our buttons. This happens with strangers, loved ones, and casual acquaintances. 

People meandering through life at a low-level consciousness tend to blame and negatively label others who are natural button-pushers. On the flip side, someone with high-level consciousness turns inward, taking time to self-reflect on why being around certain individuals brings out ugly emotions and/or thoughts. 

Here's a fictional real-life scenario: 

A man we will call Joe approaches a four-way stop and just as it's his turn to go, some young kid in a red sports car rolls through the stop sign and beats Joe to the punch. Joe's car nearly hits the sports car, but luckily Joe has the wherewithal to slam on his breaks just in the nick of time. Joe's first response is a feeling of anger and complete disrespect. "How dare you?!," he screams. Joe doesn't understand how this punk kid couldn't blatantly roll through a stop sign, especially with doing so out of turn. Joe is bewildered at how this kid could so mindlessly ignore the rules of society. Joe shakes his head in disbelief while angrily muttering under his breath, "That boy clearly wasn't raised right." 

Now, what Joe didn't realize is that the 18 year-old boy had just found out his father, who is also his best friend, had just been diagnosed that morning with terminal pancreatic cancer. The boy had dealt with similar emotions eight years ago when his Mom died merely  five months of her cancer diagnosis.  So, this situation had played out terribly in the boy's oh so recent past. He couldn't imagine losing the only parent he had left. Upon receiving this news, he felt his world caving in, so he decided to get out of the house and go for a drive in the Ford Mustang his father got him for being on the honor roll every semester since his freshman year of high school. His tear-filled eyes barely allowed him to see the yellow lines on the road. He didn't even notice Joe, who was to his left patiently awaiting his turn. All this boy could think about was how quickly God was going to take away his dad just like he did his mom eight years ago.

Was Joe's accusation about the boy accurate? No. Joe assumed that the boy was a spoiled brat who had little concern for other drivers. In actuality, the boy had just received the worst news of his young life and was simply attempting to cope with his overwhelming emotions the only way he knew how. The point being: judging people who annoy us is a frivolous and often miscalculated game that only fosters our own misery. We rarely have an understanding for what's really going on with people under their skin, especially when it comes to strangers. So blaming and labeling are of no use to us; they are self-inflicting weapons. Those living at high-level consciousness trade in these weapons for self-reflection. High-level folks detach themselves from those annoying people or situations and instead use their emotions to instruct them like a wise teacher would. Why am I having such a strong emotional reaction to that situation? Why did that guy get under my skin so easily when I don't even know him? Asking these questions becomes the name of the game. 

Seeing annoyances as your teacher does not come easily. It takes practice and time. Luckily, life gives us plenty of opportunities to learn how to slow down and self-reflect when people or situations irritate us. In my experience, this has been a life-changing practice. Although I still feel like a novice, this practice has brought a tremendous amount of peace and emotional healing into my life. If this sounds like something you would like to try, start by "noticing." Notice when situations arise throughout your day where you feel involuntary emotional reactions. Instead of allowing your mind to dwell on why that person is an asshole, ask yourself, "Why do I feel this way?" You will be amazed at what you learn about yourself, and how quickly you begin to enjoy the challenge of seeing annoyances as your teacher.

Happy Noticing! :)