Remaining Open
"We can get close-minded when we should be investigative."
I heard this quote in a Rob Bell podcast where he interviewed journalist and author, Krista Tippet. Krista visited a wise woman who gave her this elucidating life advice.
For me, this quote rings so true. The irony for me is I am often close-minded about being open minded. I'm a prolific skeptic and truth-seeker, so when others are not, I write them off as being close-minded.
My faith journey began a deconstructive phase in 2012 and is ongoing. Some reconstruction has happened, but usually once I feel like I have laid a new solid foundation, that foundation is deconstructed a little while later.
Honestly, I don't relate well to most people who refer to themselves as Christians. Most Christian lingo sounds repulsive because my ears hear it as theology that was never questioned or researched. "God told me..." "God has a plan." "I'm just waiting on the Lord." This kind of talk sounds so unintelligent to me for some reason. It's nothing against anyone who believes this stuff or talks this way...it's just where I'm at.
For some things I've come full circle to embrace them again. Things like church and prayer--although, I certainly don't view them the same as before. Church, for me, is no longer a necessity but a gift. Prayer, much the same. Prayer is much less words than it is an awareness. I'm not really even sure how to pray anymore using words. Praying before dinner sounds scary like when I was a baby Christian. Asking God to meet my laundry list of demands seems so selfish and insignificant. Now, I'd rather listen. I'd rather focus on where my ego is edging God out. Prayer has become much less one-way communication and much more self-reflection. It's much easier for me to stand atop a tall mountain and connect with the Source. Words feel too small. Prayer feels much more experiential now. I envy people who are satisfied with their God and their faith. I'm endlessly restless. Getting an "answer" only leads me to 13 more questions.
With all my doubts and skepticisms, I want to remain open to everything. Certainty is no longer something I strive for. I embrace mystery like I used to cling to certainty. I don't know if that's right, but it's honest. I find that, the more I learn, the less I know. I don't have many sure answers, but I do have more thoughts. I hate that I'm defensive. When people challenge my views, I feel that ol' ego of mine creeping up to defend my position with all its might. The sword of fear is drawn, ready to fight. I'm trying to eliminate that fear-based defense mechanism, but it doesn't subside easily. Contemplation and non-dual practices are becoming a close ally.
So, I am doing my best to remain open and to think and live from a both-and perspective instead of an either-or. I've tasted the fruits of both perspectives, and one is way sweeter.
I heard this quote in a Rob Bell podcast where he interviewed journalist and author, Krista Tippet. Krista visited a wise woman who gave her this elucidating life advice.
For me, this quote rings so true. The irony for me is I am often close-minded about being open minded. I'm a prolific skeptic and truth-seeker, so when others are not, I write them off as being close-minded.
My faith journey began a deconstructive phase in 2012 and is ongoing. Some reconstruction has happened, but usually once I feel like I have laid a new solid foundation, that foundation is deconstructed a little while later.
Honestly, I don't relate well to most people who refer to themselves as Christians. Most Christian lingo sounds repulsive because my ears hear it as theology that was never questioned or researched. "God told me..." "God has a plan." "I'm just waiting on the Lord." This kind of talk sounds so unintelligent to me for some reason. It's nothing against anyone who believes this stuff or talks this way...it's just where I'm at.
For some things I've come full circle to embrace them again. Things like church and prayer--although, I certainly don't view them the same as before. Church, for me, is no longer a necessity but a gift. Prayer, much the same. Prayer is much less words than it is an awareness. I'm not really even sure how to pray anymore using words. Praying before dinner sounds scary like when I was a baby Christian. Asking God to meet my laundry list of demands seems so selfish and insignificant. Now, I'd rather listen. I'd rather focus on where my ego is edging God out. Prayer has become much less one-way communication and much more self-reflection. It's much easier for me to stand atop a tall mountain and connect with the Source. Words feel too small. Prayer feels much more experiential now. I envy people who are satisfied with their God and their faith. I'm endlessly restless. Getting an "answer" only leads me to 13 more questions.
With all my doubts and skepticisms, I want to remain open to everything. Certainty is no longer something I strive for. I embrace mystery like I used to cling to certainty. I don't know if that's right, but it's honest. I find that, the more I learn, the less I know. I don't have many sure answers, but I do have more thoughts. I hate that I'm defensive. When people challenge my views, I feel that ol' ego of mine creeping up to defend my position with all its might. The sword of fear is drawn, ready to fight. I'm trying to eliminate that fear-based defense mechanism, but it doesn't subside easily. Contemplation and non-dual practices are becoming a close ally.
So, I am doing my best to remain open and to think and live from a both-and perspective instead of an either-or. I've tasted the fruits of both perspectives, and one is way sweeter.
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